well you can't waste a boner
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
