I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
a search helicopter?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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