I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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