My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
