My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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