I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he puts the penis in happiness.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
