Is it because I queefed?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
