you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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