After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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