so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
