i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
