So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
