It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
