how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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