I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
