The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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