I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
