I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
