Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
