So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
