Do you still have your period?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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