Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I skipped work to stalk him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hippo gnu deer
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
