Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
