theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
