I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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