we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
