So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
