Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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