kristin has been a bad kristin
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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