Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
