why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
