so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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