Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
