before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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