My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
