I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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