My sheets look like a crime scene.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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