my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
