He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
