Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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