Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
