all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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