and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she peed on how many people?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
