i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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