Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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