That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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