I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
