it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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