i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
