I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
