i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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