if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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